Thanks.
Still thinking about this...
Some descriptions make it sound like the baptism actually does something to the child. Like a magic potion or something.
If Baby A is baptized and dies later and his parents are Christian and Baby B dies unbaptized and his parents are pagan, then is there a difference between those two babies?
It might help to compare to what the Baptist brothers and sisters do. Addressing the magic potion bit... maybe a personal testimony would help.
No good Baptist parent will presume their children will be saved without means. They don't consider their children members of the church, but neither do they think that they're only as likely as any other child out there to be converted. Godly Baptist parents know that they must use means for the conversion of their children. Prayer, Bible teaching, family worship, discipline, oversight of pastors. No Baptist views these things as magic in themselves to convert the child, and know that it's only the power of God making the means effective that will convert the child. Yet they dare not neglect any means God has given them.
We simply acknowledge there is one more means for the salvation/edification of the child: church membership, represented by baptism. Rather than having the children on the outside of membership and discipling him, we count the child as one of our number and disciple him or her from that stance. I can't imagine that makes only a small difference in the thinking of a child. And I would argue that the Baptist brothers and sisters substantially treat their children like church members anyway, baptism being the one exception. Prayer, oversight, Sunday schools, addressing sermons to them, obeying Deuteronomy 6 (addressed to parents for their children who were members of the OT church), in some cases instructing them as though they were Christians... those things are given to professing member adults. We don't give those things to the unconverted, or in the same degrees anyway, or with the same sense of responsibility. When one is in membership, all these things will put our obligations even to our own children at an unprecedentedly high level.
I can tell you, when I began to see my children in this way, it changed how I saw my parenting. It increased my love for my children, it increased the weight of the responsibility, and it enlivened my faith in the use of the means of grace for the conversion/edification of my daughters. I saw them as ones that God possesses for Himself, myself as a steward, and when we baptized them I was as a father saying, "They are your children. You claimed them. Do as you will with them." I did not become passive--I saw the work of parenting as more crucial than ever! Didn't I love them before? I did. Wasn't I discipling before? I was. Yet my soul was augmented in its labors for them anyway.
Not only that, it gave me a deeper love for the children at my church. In my mind as a Baptist the children were outsiders. Really, they are. Or they're informally in because of proximity, but are formally outside. But when you see them as insiders, and see God would have you treat them that way, you are all the more diligent to make sure the means of grace have some impact on them. You see them as God's in a special way, therefore you are the more careful to love them, interact with them, help them understand Sunday School lessons or what they heard in the sermon, it creates a connection between us and them. And you have greater faith that these things will become effective to them, because you see God has already marked them out as disciples. It makes a big difference.
Notice,
not because of the baptism itself, but because of the God who gave it to them.
Not because they are church members as though grace was given ex cathedra, but as those subject to the oversight of the church God will use such means. The very same as an adult.
Are we performing the same actions as the Baptist parents? All of them, with one added. Do Baptist parents love their children? Very dearly. But my own experiences teaches that it makes a great difference to the child to be taught as one considered among our number rather than as one who is on the outside. The church membership communicates that God has brought that child very close to Himself in a way that He hasn't for others. And the more kindness God shows, the more incentive to repent, or the more incentive to continue believing and repenting (Romans 2:4).
And I would argue, the discipleship of children, Genesis 19 "commanding his children after him" and Deuteronomy 6 find their basis in the fact that they are counted as church members. So, the discipleship of children in Baptist churches has an OT precedence. And it's another reason we hit on Ephesians 6 "in the Lord", as though they know him. Because they just may. So when Baptists disciple their children, far as we're concerned they're doing it on the grounds of the Abrahamic Covenant, not only because of Ephesians 6 and other NT passages.
So, we don't attribute any inherent virtue to preaching, though preaching must still happen. There is no inherent virtue in bread and wine, but we expect Christ to communicate His benefits through them. Church membership itself grants no power to an adult, but discipleship of a man outside the church is simply not the same as one who is a member of the visible church. So in baptism, we put no power in the sprinkling of water, but seeing as Christ has given it to children, we'll acknowledge the status he is given them, and by faith disciple our children accordingly.
Sometimes a personal witness helps. God bless you in all your praying and pondering.