Is Matthew 5 on adultery about women in general or only married women?

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n_c

Puritan Board Freshman

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."​


Context: Is it a sin if you're single and are entertaining sexual thoughts about a single woman?
Me: Yes.
Other Person: No.

This was from some debate I had since someone was said that he was struggling with lust over this woman, but someone else said that it's fine. I don't know enough Greek or have a thorough biblical background, so I don't know if I should continue following my gut feeling which was to go with the more standard answer of "yes is sinful" or if I should change my mind on this. The other person seemed to have a lot more scriptural knowledge to back up the idea that it isn't sinful, but instead a God-given desire.

So according to him, the actual meaning of this section from the Beatitudes is talking about a man coveting married woman, not about women in general.
  1. Lust actually means covet (epithumeo)
    1. Lust to Jesus is coveting something that is not yours. Same Greek words are used lust and covet (epithumeo). This is synonymous with the Greek to Hebrew terms as well. The Septuagint was the version of the Old Testament that the apostles quoted from and that everyone read at the time.
    2. While words may have double meanings in English, this is much rarer in Koine Greek, especially when there are other Greek words that much more closely fit our English concept of lust, such as pathos, akrasia, or aselgeia. So if Jesus wanted to condemn all forms of sexual desire he would have used one of these, as the apostles regularly did. He didn't. He picked the one straight from the 10 commandments on adultery - the very thing he was talking about: coveting another man's wife.
  2. Woman actually means wife (gune)
    1. The word for woman and wife is the same in Greek - gune - so the passage would read better as "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a WIFE lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart"
  3. This kind of attraction is biblical and leads to marriage (1 Corinthians 7:9)
    1. If you burn with passion for a single woman you should marry per Paul to avoid fornications. Not adultery. And it's not a sin to burn with passion for a single woman - but you must abstain from sex until marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:9 - "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
  4. The reason for the standard reading of this is because of purity culture in the US
    1. Purity culture Church in the US (in the 1990s, 2000s, and early 2010s) in conjunction with Joshua Harris' books I Kissed Dating Goodbye falsely promoted the concept that male sex drive is bad
    2. This kind of culture will bond men in shame, which will cause them to stumble
  5. Scholarly citations
    1. Dr Yamauchi (translator of the 1984 NIV)
    2. Dr Bill Mounce (translator of the ESV)
 
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A lot of this is going to come down to how the terms are defined.

E.g., I don't see "struggling with lust" and "sexually attracted," as being quite the same thing. Whereas the person Jesus describes as "looking at a woman with lust" doesn't seem to be struggling at all. Sounds like a pretty willing participant in the process.

For my part, if I hadn't been sexually attracted to my wife prior to our marriage or even dating, I doubt I would have pursued things.
 
There seems to be a confusing of categories of "lust" (self-serving) and "desire" for married intimacy.

Read the Song of Solomon; it is full of desire for married sex.

"when the woman in the Song dreams of her boyfriend, she does not imagine them sharing an inductive Bible study and praying together, but thinks about his kisses and caresses. It is precisely this desire that her community (daughters of Jerusalem) celebrates and rejoices in. Such thoughts are not aberrant and dirty, but good and right. Sex is not merely permissible under the proper circumstances; it is a wonderful and glorious gift in the context for which God designed it; which is within marriage. After all, God himself crafted all the relevant body parts and the various biochemical reactions that make sex such fun. We should celebrate and rejoice in that fact! Even when our desire for sex is unable to be satisfied (context: Song chapter 1) or are disordered in their object, the desire itself is something God made good (Gen. 1)"

- Song of Songs: Reformed Expository Commentary by Ian Duguid, p. 8
 
It's an odd definition of lust as covetousness that limits it to married women. Covetousness entails desiring what is not yours. By definition, a single woman is not yours, cuz, you know, she's single.

There is a distinct difference between recognizing the physical beauty of a woman and fantasizing about her as though she was yours. The first is normal, the second is disordered.

In Confessional terms, it is to not be content with what you have. It is to mentally appropriate to yourself that which God has not given.
 
Even if Jesus' example is one of a married woman, the teaching applies to all. There are many reasons why lust is sinful.

1. The person doing it is defiling himself with impurities. He is creating images and feelings inside of himself that only belong in marriage.
2. Instead of upholding the value and dignity of the woman, he is objectifying her and stripping her of that dignity in his mind. This is basically violating her.
3. This is a shame for the potential future spouse, because his mind has been given over to sexualized thoughts of another. He will enter his future marriage as one corrupted sexually in his mind. This can lead to quite a few problems for the marriage.

I'm not defining lust as a healthy and pure attraction to someone. I'm defining it as sexual desire/fantasy/imagination.
 
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Physical drive needs rational restraint and direction. Just because one has the urge to urinate doesn't mean he can do it wherever he pleases. The law instructs the mind how to regulate our lives so as to produce and maintain order.

Christ is teaching the spiritual and broad application of the law in contrast to formalist and narrow views of it. As He is addressing the heart, the gloss that His application only relates to wives is obviously too restrictive. The oral tradition He is correcting was restrictive in its glosses on the law. Christ was correcting this tendency.
 
From the Heidelberg Catechism:

108.Q.
What does the seventh commandment teach us?
A.
That all unchastity is cursed by God. 1
We must therefore detest it from the heart 2
and live chaste and disciplined lives,
both within and outside of holy marriage. 3
1.Lev 18:30; Eph 5:3-5.
2.Jude 22, 23.
3.1 Cor 7:1-9; 1 Thess 4:3-8; Heb 13:4.


109.Q.
Does God in this commandment
forbid nothing more than adultery
and similar shameful sins?
A.
Since we, body and soul,
are temples of the Holy Spirit,
it is God's will
that we keep ourselves pure and holy.
Therefore he forbids all unchaste acts,
gestures, words, thoughts, desires, 1
and whatever may entice us to unchastity.

From the WCF:

Q. 137. Which is the seventh commandment?
A. The seventh commandment is, Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Q. 138. What are the duties required in the seventh commandment?
A. The duties required in the seventh commandment are, chastity in body, mind, affections, words, and behavior; and the preservation of it in ourselves and others; watchfulness over the eyes and all the senses; temperance, keeping of chaste company, modesty in apparel; marriage by those that have not the gift of continency, conjugal love, and cohabitation; diligent labor in our callings; shunning all occasions of uncleanness, and resisting temptations thereunto.

Q. 139. What are the sins forbidden in the seventh commandment?
A. The sins forbidden in the seventh commandment, besides the neglect of the duties required, are, adultery, fornication, rape, incest, sodomy, and all unnatural lusts; all unclean imaginations, thoughts, purposes, and affections; all corrupt or filthy communications, or listening thereunto; wanton looks, impudent or light behavior, immodest apparel; prohibiting of lawful, and dispensing with unlawful marriages; allowing, tolerating, keeping of stews, and resorting to them; entangling vows of single life, undue delay of marriage; having more wives or husbands than one at the same time; unjust divorce, or desertion; idleness, gluttony, drunkenness, unchaste company; lascivious songs, books, pictures, dancings, stage plays; and all other provocations to, or acts of uncleanness, either in ourselves or others.
 
So what exactly are "sexual thoughts" in your friend's case? Is he considering pursuing her for marriage or is he sitting around imaging her in a state that only her hypothetical husband should see her?
 
The thing tripping me up in the post is "sexual thoughts". What do you mean by that term? If he is entertaining sexual fantasies about a woman, that would be lust, because he is sinfully desiring something that is not rightfully his. If he is merely noting that he finds her attractive, that is something altogether different and not falling under the condemnation of Matthew 5.
 
Simple, If you aren't married any woman is to be looked upon as a mother or sister.

We are called to treat women with all purity.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; 2. The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”

1 Thessalonians 4:2-8 “For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. 3. For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 4. That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5. Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 6. That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. 7. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. 8. He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit.”
 
PuritanCovenanter said:
Simple, If you aren't married any woman is to be looked upon as a mother or sister.
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Or daughter!

"Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens: Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn" (Ruth 2:8-9 KJV).

Note that Boaz's first motions toward Ruth were ones of protection and provision, and not for any personal interest of his own. He regarded her like a daughter first. Only when it became clear that it was the will of God for him to protect and provide for her through the bonds of marriage did he begin to make moves that would lead to intimacy, and that within the marriage bed.

He's a model of chastity. There's not a hint that he had a lustful thought toward this young lady, but after they marry, it's not long before she's pregnant.
 
Ploutos said:
I'm being really pedantic here, but we don't actually know that.
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Sure we do, Chapter 4, verse 13: 'So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son.'

That's entirely beside the point of the thread, though. I mentioned it because it's clear that Boaz was perfectly capable of enjoying sexual relations with Ruth, but such was his chastity that he was capable of thinking of her as a daughter and treating her as such in the earlier period of their acquaintance, even though she was attractive enough that he had to charge the young men not to touch her.
 
It seems the OP is answered sometimes as if the guy is single and seeing a random beautiful woman in the street passing by. Ok.

I was answering as if the guy is single and knows the beautiful woman personally with a potential for a relationship that could blossom into full romance and more.

I confess I never thought of my wife as a sister when I was dating her. Not once. (I think Boaz seeing Ruth as a daughter is a cultural idiosyncracy that needs not be prescriptive for potential spouses in a timeless way).

I get recasting a random beautiful woman in the street in that light - all while praying as an effective technique to kill the swelling of lust within. But dating my then-girlfriend, then-fiancee, now wife? The technique was not effective because the relationship was completely different.

I don't know; I began to feel more confused with each new post, but that is probably just me.
 
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