Thoughts:
We are missionaries that often travel all over. We've stayed with many people.
Here are our thoughts:
(1) Hospitality is good, but most people do not do it very well.
(2) And there is no way to get out of a bad situation once you accept. You just have to bear through it. If you agree to stay the night at a personal house and something is really off, there is no way that is not awkward to excuse yourself and escape the situation.
Example: A pastor INSISTED we stay with him. "No...no..we'd never think of having you at a hotel, come stay with us..." but when we arrived they put us on a couch and floor! All 4 of us at the time (including a baby/toddler). What is more, our couch and floor were on the way to the bathroom so that every time someone got up to go to the bathroom, they tip-toed around us. After travelling for a week straight this was not welcome. Especially when the town had many fine and affordable hotels that we had planned to pay for ourselves.
When we found out that this same pastor had called ahead and arranged our "hospitality" at the next stop, we just went to a hotel and told him we were too tired and needed a good night's sleep, to his great consternation. He had no idea why we would ever be hesitant to stay at another lodging situation that he had arranged.
After 2 or 3 more experiences like this, we simply always stay at a hotel unless we really know the family.
(3) Staying at a person's house means you are a guest and give up your agency. Staying at a hotel means retaining your freedom. You are a guest at one place, and the paying customer at the other. That makes a difference.
Example: I stayed at a house but had other meetings in that same town booked for weeks prior. The pastor where we stayed then scheduled me also for a different meeting at that house for a dinner crowd without asking me. He assumed that because we were lodging with him, then my whole day was under his scheduling. Very awkward. So to get around the problem of having 2 meetings booked the same night (the one I scheduled prior and the one the pastor scheduled) I tried to invite my party to the dinner party. Afterwards, the pastor remarked that since I was invited by their church they assumed my time was "theirs" (as if I was on their clock or something outside of the church's meeting times).
(4) Some people have different rules or manners in their home that you may not have.
Examples: How will you respond when a stranger begins to check your kids' catechism answers? Or when they correct your kids for having elbows on their tables? Or pull out the the idiotic and pedantic "can I" versus "may I" distinction and insist your kid says it "the right way" for them to get what they need.
At a hotel you are freeer to do what you want or need to do.
Example: I have fallen arches from going barefoot in the jungle. I must wear shoes or my feet ache, especially when walking on concrete or hardwood floors. What if you stay at a private home and the host insists you take your shoes off at the door? One family did so (for the sake of cleanliness) but then lived with a huge dog that slobbered all over both me and my aching bare feet. This was very aggravating.
(5) If you stay at someone's house and you break something, it is more awkward:
Example: What if your kid over-flows the toilet in the house? What if your kid misbehaves? Breaks some angel figurine off the shelf. In a hotel it is a simple financial or maintenance issue, but at a private home, it is evidence that you've got family issues, etc.
My advice: Meals are easier. Invite people over to eat. But if someone lodges with you, make sure you have a good sense of hospitality.
