Babies and Anxiety

Blood-Bought Pilgrim

Blood-Bought Pilgrim

Puritan Board Sophomore
Hi All,
My second child, a little girl, was born yesterday. She beat the midwife by 40 minutes so I ended up delivering her in our bathroom, but she’s doing well.

One thing I am struggling with though, is a deep sense of anxiety since she was born. I had this with my first as well. I hoped with the second it would lessen, but it is just as strong.

It’s almost just like a sense of impending doom that something bad is going to happen to her, or something could go wrong at any moment. It is crippling and makes it difficult for me to be a calm presence for my wife and son as we adjust. I am praying about it constantly, but still struggling.

Has anyone else, especially dads, had a similar experience? If so, any tips on how to work through it?
 
I have not had this, but I have heard of postpartum depression with women. However, this does not sound like depression. Do you tend to be anxious like this about other things in life?

It sounds like Satan is attacking you though. I think what you are doing is good, praying. Also, trust that God is completely in control. Also, if you delivered the baby yourself in the bathroom, I would say you are off to a great start. If something was going to go wrong, that would have been the most likely time.

If you are close with your parents, maybe reach out to them to talk. Or, ask for a visit from your elders and/or pastor.
 
Blood-Bought Pilgrim said:
I ended up delivering her in our bathroom
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:oops:

Congratulations!

Trust the Lord. Care for your wife. I've felt it before as well, and as you watch the child grow and develop, the tension eases.

My first was born using the vacuum sucker, because she was stuck. I was mortified as I watched it. I was constantly worrying it did damage to her afterward.
 
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When we brought our first child home a few days after he was born, I had a sudden sense of anxiety as we drove away from the hospital. I think I realized that it was now possible for me to be hurt in ways I had never fully realized life could hurt someone. I continued to be fairly anxious for the first few weeks, imagining the baby could be stolen, dropped, etc.

I don't recall really dealing with it spiritually. If I remember correctly, the feeling just sort of waned over time as the hard work of having a newborn set in, and I don't think I got that exact feeling again after our second child was born. So, I don't have any experience-based advice for you, only the encouragement that perhaps it is not so unusual for you to have those feelings.

At least you are praying about it, which I don't remember doing when it happened to me. I suspect that if you see your anxiety as a spiritual malady, it would be good for you also to see it as a blessing in the sense that it is leading you to pray. For me, over time, being a dad has brought plenty of anxiety but it surely has also led me to spend more time with my heavenly Father than I would have otherwise—and that is the real prize. So, make your need to pray a reason for gladness even if it comes from unpleasant feelings. Thank your heavenly Father that he has given you both a child to love and a new reason to draw near to Him continuously. And if your need to pray persists and persists and persists, because you remain weak and worried, do not become exacerbated with yourself. Instead, be encouraged that your Father keeps calling you into his comfort.
 
retroGRAD3 said:
I have not had this, but I have heard of postpartum depression with women. However, this does not sound like depression. Do you tend to be anxious like this about other things in life?

It sounds like Satan is attacking you though. I think what you are doing is good, praying. Also, trust that God is completely in control. Also, if you delivered the baby yourself in the bathroom, I would say you are off to a great start. If something was going to go wrong, that would have been the most likely time.

If you are close with your parents, maybe reach out to them to talk. Or, ask for a visit from your elders and/or pastor.
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I wouldn’t generally describe myself as anxious, but I have had “episodes” of anxiety in the past which are similar, where I just have a general feeling of dread pervading all the time for a few weeks. I do think talking with our pastors is something I might do, I didn’t last time.
 
You truly are in a more vulnerable position. You have a wife recovering from childbirth, a little one who is totally dependent for every need, and a change in your family. Many families find the transition from one to two children to be the most challenging in its family life. You may even be picking up on the experience your wife is enduring as her body shifts from expecting to mommying. Be patient with everyone, including yourself and pray earnestly for God's protection and healing during this difficult time. (And congratulations on the delivery. That's impressive for both of you!)
 
It isn’t good that you’re being *crippled* by it. So fight the paralyzing tendency, and push through. But at the same time, it sounds like you’re being hit with the sobering realization that another is utterly dependent upon you for their wellbeing. It’s the weight of responsibility. If you harness it and not let it cripple you, you’ll become a dutiful and diligent provider, protector, and leader. A good husband and father. I’ll be praying for you!
 
Prayed for you brother that in this change of season you would be able to cast your anxiety on The Lord and that He would meet you in this time and minister to you through His word or through His people.

I'm reminded of Jacob when he set off to Paran after fleeing from Esau, I imagine he was struggling with Anxiety with the death of his father and his brother now trying to kill him. Yet in the midst of the struggle God came to Jacob and he was able to say:

“Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.” And he was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven!” (Genesis 28:16-17)

Praying that this would be your experience brother, that you might be surprised at the grace of God, even in the midst of the struggle.
 
Having children is a sobering reality. We always joke at my house that when we have a newborn we start our wilderness journey at least for a few months as we learn the new baby. My wife and I have 3 children 3 and under and each one has been a whirlwind for sure. Certainly there is the realization that you now have another covenant child added to the flock of your family. In these early days what has helped me most is spending ample time in scripture and prayer. As you are rocking the baby it may be a good time to take out your bible and remind yourself of the promise in Ps.127 or since you are struggling with anxiety Phil. 4:4-9. These early and precious days are often filled with a lot of time and even though I hate reading on a screen we now have the convenience of housing several good books, even the best books in a hand sized package. May the Lord bless and keep you these early days.

Grace and peace in our Lord!
 
Blood-Bought Pilgrim said:
Hi All,
My second child, a little girl, was born yesterday. She beat the midwife by 40 minutes so I ended up delivering her in our bathroom, but she’s doing well.

One thing I am struggling with though, is a deep sense of anxiety since she was born. I had this with my first as well. I hoped with the second it would lessen, but it is just as strong.

It’s almost just like a sense of impending doom that something bad is going to happen to her, or something could go wrong at any moment. It is crippling and makes it difficult for me to be a calm presence for my wife and son as we adjust. I am praying about it constantly, but still struggling.

Has anyone else, especially dads, had a similar experience? If so, any tips on how to work through it?
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Hey brother, I had this "anxiety" when my children were born, the remedy for me was long scenic walks. It actually just was pinted up energy that needed to be burned. When women deliver, they have relief in alot of ways because of the hormones. But for us guys we are still running hot on so much adrenaline, and that needs to be burned off, though we are tired from out wives having an 18 to 20 hour labor in which we are right by her side the whole way. This may be more true for us who go to birth centers and have home births because so much of what happens depends on us, as opposed to a hospital who do alot of the work that we do otherwise. I hope this helps, it certainly solved by mental struggles. Find somthing to do where your gonna sweat and work. Dig some holes, sprint, pushups, walk long distances, do some intense workouts, and get some sun.
 
ParticularBaptist1677 said:
Hey brother, I had this "anxiety" when my children were born, the remedy for me was long scenic walks. It actually just was pinted up energy that needed to be burned. When women deliver, they have relief in alot of ways because of the hormones. But for us guys we are still running hot on so much adrenaline, and that needs to be burned off, though we are tired from out wives having an 18 to 20 hour labor in which we are right by her side the whole way. This may be more true for us who go to birth centers and have home births because so much of what happens depends on us, as opposed to a hospital who do alot of the work that we do otherwise. I hope this helps, it certainly solved by mental struggles. Find somthing to do where your gonna sweat and work. Dig some holes, sprint, pushups, walk long distances, do some intense workouts, and get some sun.
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Thanks for sharing brother. I’m about to go for my first run since she was born so hopefully that will help!
 
Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this. I knew (as a mom) that feeling of anxiety and impending gloom fairly often. It's quite a difficult thing. I thought it was all (safety/health/care/soul work, etc) up to me. I didn't really consider that my children were God's more than MINE.

I think one way to look at this is to really (in your heart and mind) say to God, "God, this child is YOUR creation. You love her far more than I ever could, and so perfectly. Help me to rest in that, and to see myself as a caretaker of your dear child, not her Creator. I am often weak, and tired, but you never are. Give me strength to go forward cheerfully and bravely while I care for YOUR child. Help me to enjoy the experience of it all, laughing and loving and most of all resting in your mercy, no matter what comes over the years that she is in my care."

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!
 
I can’t say I’ve had an identical anxiety, but reading, praying, and singing the psalms is a good remedy.
Psalm 127 especially
 
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